My Beloved Monster
by Clichesbullet
Summary: Nessie is sixteeen - five, actually - and she decides it's time to start keeping secrets. Jacob is afraid of loving Nessie; Nessie is afraid of Jacob himself and Edward is just afraid of Jacob touching his daughter. Now complete and edited .
1. Chapter 1: Gloves

**A/N:**_ Hello, everyone! So it's been a __**good **__while since I wrote my last fanfic and I really hope this one turns out to be only five chapters long. But I'm not that good with short stories. Anyway, this is Jacob/Nessie, no big drama there. I'm also working on a Quil/Claire fic right now - yeah, I'm all about the pedophile wolves apparently - so, anyway, I'm sorry for any English or grammar mistakes that might appear in the story. I done my best, so be nice. The point of view of the fic will be changing chapter to chapter - I guess. First chapter is Bella's, next will be Jacob's. So, anyway, I really hope you like the first chapter- at least enough to review, come back and keep motivating me to write, ok ;;? I need to be loved. You can also correct my English if you feel like it. But be nice, I'm deeply afraid of rejection. lol. _

_No, really__, I am. .-._

**My Beloved Monster**

"_My beloved monster is tough. If she wants, she'll destroy you. But if you lay her down for a kiss, her little heart could explode." (Eels - My Beloved Monster) _

**Chapter 1: **

**Gloves**

I had promised myself (and Edward) that I should not think about it for, at least, six and a half more years, and well, I surely didn't mean to, but then again, I could not foresee (and, unfortunately, neither did Alice) how things would turn out. Not that quickly.

Of course I had expected that, I mean, ever since she was a toddler - if Nessie ever happened to be one in the past - she would refer to Jake as "My Jacob", she would send me images of his face and they would spend everyday together. I knew that, with the imprinting thing, that they would, eventually become a couple; my husband knew about it too, thought he chose denial as the best way to deal with it.

But then, one day, I entered my family's house, following the sound of my sister's voices and the sweet smell of my daughter. And there they were, in Alice's bedroom, surrounded by a thousand (and this is not a made up number – there were literally a thousand) different shopping bags.

Downstairs, I could hear Edward's piano playing a song I've never heard before. A sad waltz, like there was rain pouring all over the house, under heavy dark clouds. Well, it was Forks, after all. I looked at the girls standing in front of me. Alice had sparkling eyes and was smiling from ear to ear like it was the best day of her life (or existence, I guess) even Rosalie had a look of pure amazement and looked fascinated. Renesmee, on the other hand, looked as always. Standing there in the middle, she didn't make a peep until I entered the room:

"Good Morning, Momma." Her voice was clear but very low. Nessie wasn't very fond of speaking. Even when she was been home schooled by Carlisle and Esme she would just give them the answers by touching their faces. I tried to convince Edward into making her attend school so she could develop at least _some_ social skills, but he just rolled his eyes and asked what I would say when her classmates started wondering why did our daughter looked like she could go to college when she was only in fifth grade, so I gave up.

"Good Morning, dear. What's all this?" I was a hundred per cent sure Alice was somehow blackmailing my daughter. But Nessie just browsed the room with sad eyes and said in her always so low, always so calm tune:

"Gloves."

"Gloves?"

"Yes! All kinds of beautiful and fashionable gloves! And, of course, I bought some new dresses to go with them! And shoes!" Alice said in the happiest of all voices. "Nessie asked me if I could buy her some on my next trip to Seattle, but I just couldn't help it! I know she only asked for two or three pairs, but…"

"Why do you need gloves, dear? It's August…" I started, but Alice was already pushing her to the closet.

"Go on! Get dressed!" And I could see the chocolate brown eyes that were once my own looking sadly at the pile of bags. Alice stuck a few dresses and accessories on Nessie's arms. Once she was inside the dresser, Alice looked at me:

"I went all the way to France this weekend! It's not like you or Renesmee have any taste for good fashion so, when she asked for new clothes, I just couldn't let the opportunity pass!" Rosalie was now holding a checked yellow and dark blue dress in front of her eyes, analyzing it.

"Alice, this one is gorgeous! She'll look like a couture model!"

"I know, right!? And it matches perfectly with the yellow leather gloves I brought!" – She grabbed the dress and took it to the dresser. "Here, Nessie, put this on with the yellow gloves and the blue velvet ankle boots!"

Honestly, I was truly sorry for my daughter, I had once been Alice's Cobaia Barbie, but even I hadn't had to try all these things at once. And I don't think Rosalie would ever be this thrilled to see_ me_ try on new outfits. But once she got out of the dresser, I had to forbid Alice to put any other piece of clothing on her. She looked heaven sent.

Her glossy red-brown curls fell from her shoulders up to her back and she had a satin yellow headband on her hair. Her expensive looking dress showed most of her pale legs, tights and arms, but it was loose and made her look like a real living doll. Her gloves were short and her boots went up only a little above her ankles. She looked embarrassed even after years of been watched in amazement. She stared at her own feet.

"Thanks, Aunt Alice. Can I keep it on?" Alice seamed a bit disappointed, but she didn't seam to have a different opinion than mine. So she just smiled:

"Sure, Nessie! I'm so proud!" And I could see that Rosalie agreed. Nessie looked at me:

"So, Momma, do you think I look good too?" Nessie always asked my opinion. Even now, that she looked like a sixteen years old teenager – technically around the time she would start to hate me just for being her mother – she had the same approval needs of a five year old. This, by the way, was exactly what she was.

I was dazzled.

" Honey, you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen!" I said but I still couldn't understand this whole glove thing coming from nowhere, and I remembered Charlie commenting one day about how teenage girls liked shopping a lot so I wondered if this was only a phase she was going trough. "But, Nessie, darling… Why gloves?"

"Oh…It's just this idea I had…" she said out loud which was just as surprising as she asking Alice to buy her clothes. "I thought that maybe, if I wore gloves, I could touch people without them looking into my head." I was confused. And so were Alice and Rose:

"What do you mean by that, Nessie? You've learned how to control your power a long time ago! You're a pro at this! You don't need gloves!" Rosalie said as if she thought it was the most insane of ideas that Renesmee wasn't confident about something. Renesmee looked nervous and bit her lips. I could hear her heart racing.

"I know, I know, but sometimes…Look…" She looked to the door, like she was desperate to get away from that conversation. "My father, for example, he's always reading your minds, right?"

"Is this about your father, Renesmee? " I said putting my hands on my hips and raising an eyebrow, just like a normal mother would do. "Because there aren't any gloves capable of stopping him from worrying sick about you and reading your thoughts!"

"No, no! That's not about dad at all!" Although she did sound like she was lying - "I'm just using him as an example. He's always reading your minds so don't you feel like sometimes…" she looked at her aunts "you shouldn't have thought something. Don't you sometimes lose control of what you're thinking and feeling?"

There was a long pause in which we all understood her point more than she believed we did. It was hard to control your feelings when you're around someone you like, hard to control what you're thinking. I remembered being so glad about Edward not reading my mind every time I thought of something I shouldn't. Specially when I was touching him.

Then it hit me. And, for a moment, I secretly hoped that she was referring to someone she liked at school, although I knew she had never once went to school in her whole life so there could only be one person capable of making her want privacy for her most secret thoughts of love and adoration. And I could hear his car stopping by my house at that right moment. So I said in a whisper that sounded just like her voice:

"It's going to be ok, Sweetie. I swear you're going to be happy. It's just how it's meant to be." And, while she was on her way to the bedroom door, she looked at me, confused for a second. Then she smiled weakly and said, back in her old low tune, something that made all of my already dead hopes of she dating someone else vanish:

"Sure, sure." And went downstairs to meet him.


	2. Chapter 2: Wizard of Oz

**A/N:**_ Oh, hello, hello! Thanks for everyone who reviewed - all three of you, I guess - ANYWAY, this is the second chapter of "My Beloved Monster" and, as I said, is in Jacob's POV. I'm not sure you people will understand how Nessie's personality works - I mean- I've been reading a few J/N and Q/C and everyone seams to create a cheerful version of grown-up Nessie, I don't know. My Nessie on the other hand is only 5 years old and has been raised by: a) moody Bella + b) overprotective Edward + c) "You're so totally my fashion Cobaia" Alice and, well, she's been spoiled by Rosalie and Jacob mostly - but by everyone in the house too - and let's not forget Charlie, Sue and her soon to be father-in-law, Billy (lol)._

_Anyway, so my Nessie is sorta of a mystery__ :roll: - she doesn't talk a lot and doesn't understand much of socializing with humans, besides, she doesn't really like to talk and she's a little spoiled I guess. Anyway, I'm keeping Nessie's POV only for the last chapter. But we're going to understand a lot about her feelings in the next - when Edward SexBomb Cullen will gently explain us what's going in everyone's head today :B! And why exactly he hates (and loves) Jacob Black._

_So, please, review. I'm totally up for ideas, and,hm, please, let me know about my spelling and grammar. _

**My Beloved Monster**

"_What's the deal with my brain? Why am I so obviously insane? In a perfect situation, I let love down the drain" - (Weezer – Perfect Situation)_

**Chapter 2: **

**Well, I guess I **_**am **_**the Wizard of Oz after all**_** – **_**you can take everything you want from me.**__

I was glad I didn't fall asleep on my way to the Cullen's house that morning, it was like that damn waltz Edward was playing was a magical lullaby or something, I mean, let's talk about _boring_. Not that I ever had a taste for instrumental music, unless that by instrumental you meant electric guitar solos. So I tried to focus on the road and on the other sound coming from the Cullen's residence. And that one took me by surprise.

Nessie's voice.

Honestly, you could swear the girl was anti-social or something. But I guess she only thought speaking was too much work when you could just put your hand in someone's face and go trough your whole day again in two point three nanoseconds.

It's a good thing she never had to go to school, I doubt anyone would consider polite the way she'd rather caress unknown people's face than speak her mind.

Speak her mind. Ra!

I finally arrived at the place I usually parked and got out of the car. As soon as he heard my engine, Edward's waltz changed into another song.

I recognized it from the TV reruns of Lassie.

_I never get tired of your sense of humor, Edward. _

"Neither do I." he said from the piano.

"So have I done anything to deserve such a nice and warming welcome?" I said, finally entering the room. "Or are you just_ thrilled _to see me?"

"You mean, other than existing and smelling like wet dog?" We heard Rosalie's voice coming from upstairs. I looked up:

"Hey, do you know how we call a blonde with half a brain?" I said but had no answer, making me sure she hadn't heard that before. "_Gifted_."

We all heard a loud hiss. Even Edward, who was in an awful mood, chuckled. I smiled triumphantly. And so, I heard her giggle and looked behind.

I was used to it. Every time I'd look and face Nessie, things would be the same; it was, sometimes, nauseating. All the feelings in the world would hit me at once and I would be left dazzled and bewildered. But, that moment, right there, when I turned around to face her that morning, nothing could explain what came over me.

Well, maybe Edward could, 'cause the melody he was playing suddenly changed again.

This time he was playing the _funeral march_.

_Sorry there, Edward__ -_ I apologized in my head, I mean, true love and pure feelings aside, she was still his daughter and the thoughts in my head that moment weren't exactly…brotherly. He looked at me for a while - I swear his eyes were red for a second – than he just sighted, like facing some awful but unavoidable truth.

"It's ok, I guess. It's not like I haven't seen this coming, right?"

_You're going to be so easy about it? Just like that? _He crocked a smile, like he knew something I didn't – well, he usually really did – and got up to put a hand on my shoulder:

"I'm not the one who's going to complicate your life, my brother." He said rolling his eyes like in amusement. "I could be, sure. But why would I go trough so much trouble when I already know what my whole family is thinking?"

"You don't know what Bella thinks…" I tried.

"Yes, that's true. But do you count her as a supporter?"

"Crap." He laughed. And then, a noise broke our conversation. We had absolutely forgotten Nessie's presence in the room for a few seconds. It happened a lot when we were arguing; we were still used to having her around as a kid who didn't care about adult conversations.

She stared at us, looking confused. I wondered if she'd heard anything.

"No, she didn't." He answered. "And even if she did, she would just be able to hear what I said, right? She didn't understand our little chat. You can relax now."

And I did. Edward left the room, kissing Renesmee's forehead and looking back at me once again before leaving us alone.

Once there were only us in the living room – which, by the way, was bigger than my recently bought two-roomed flat – I made my way towards her.

She was so beautiful - it was unbearable.

When I was a kid, my parents took me and my sisters to see the fireworks for the first time - of course they all had seen them before, but it was _my_ first time. I was four years old and there were loads of people surrounding my family – I had no idea how important my father was back then – So we just sat there with the food and towels close to the bonfire. I remember Rachel and Rebecca annoying mom about hating the noise and how I would not remember that two hours later and the fact that I was too young to understand but, half a second after that, they started.

_Multi-colored, huge, amazing, noisy, surprising, magical…_

My older sisters could have never been more wrong. I would never forget that sight, I would never stray away from that precious memory. As a kid, that was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

But the fireworks didn't hold a candle to the tiny girl standing just a few inches from me. She smiled nervously as I traced my fingers through her arms and slowly grabbed one of her hands. I took it closer and closer to my face, hoping to see what she was seeing, to know what she knew. The most amazing of feelings was seeing the world through Nessie's eyes: the colors, her family, the books she'd read that week, _my face_… I was in every single memory of hers and I enjoyed every second that she'd lose telling me about my voice, my laughter and how I should probably cut my hair. I smiled as I felt the touch of her warm hands even through the leather of her gloves, I asked:

"How are you, Nessie?"

But I had no mute response.

No images, no color, nothing. I was just standing there, looking pathetic and clueless while holding her hand against my face. She smiled again, a little more confident, still, looking a little guilty:

"I'm fine, thanks, Jake." But she didn't look me in the eye as she said that. Still holding her hand I tried to pull the glove off:

"Gee, Nessie, is this thing really necessary? I can't hear what you're saying!"

"T-That's 'cause I'm not saying anything!" she mumbled and took her hand away from mine. I was truly afraid I had hurt her somehow:

"Nessie…" I started, staring at my own shoes. "Have I done something?"

She gazed around the room, like she was looking for something – she usually did that a lot, mostly because of her social phobias, she's always afraid somebody might be watching her – finally, she sighted and said, avoiding my eyes:

"It's not you, Jake. You know you'd never hurt me…" I glared at her, but she didn't stop speaking "Even if you tried, you couldn't hurt me…"

"Are you willing to turn this into a bet? 'Cause you're just half a vampire and I'm a hundred per cent shape-shifter." I cut her off. I didn't want to hear the end of that sentence. I had the feeling it would be too much to bear.

Unsurprisingly enough, she smiled defiantly at my challenge. It was in times like these that I'd see Nessie in her true self: a five year old grown-up. Too bad it didn't happen that morning. I looked and looked at Nessie on our way to the garden, trying to make a joke about her immature ways or her childish behavior and still; all I could see, all I could smell...It wasn't gravity anymore. She wasn't holding my world.

She _was _the world.

She looked behind her, trying to understand why I'd suddenly stopped walking and I was definitely paralyzed this time:

"Jake…Are you ok?" She asked but didn't come closer to check on me. "You don't have to worry; I swear you didn't hurt me in any way, I…"

I always dreaded this day. I've been afraid of this sudden change of heart for almost five years now. I loved Nessie, I always did. But what should I do once this love is no longer like Quil's towards Claire, but exactly like Sam's towards Emily?

What if it's the Bella drama all over again? I couldn't possibly take it anymore. I don't wanna feel that way over Nessie – she's my little sister! My baby.

Hmm…"_Nessie is my baby"- _sounds nice_._

Ugh. No!

I think I just imprinted all over again.

Great. Like I'd ever need all that drama twice.


	3. Chapter 3: Just as Much

**A/N:**_ Hey guys! Wow, ten reviews! I'm so happy! And so many of you have actually added this to your story alert and favorite story lists! I'm just...wow. Anyway, I'm soooo sorry it took me so long to put this up. It was a bit hard writing in Edward's POV and, aside from that, I also wrote "Brave Face" - a huuuuge one shot that I'M SURE you're all gonna check out and review 'cause you're __**nice people**__ , right? _

_Well, anyhow, I'd like to make a few __comments about this chapter and answer to a few reviews. Before anything, let me tell you that I'm not sure if I made my Nessie sound right at all in the last A/N :roll:! I'm afraid I might have given the impression that she's some sort of emo-goth-always-so-sad-and-lonely character or something, but she isn't, as I hope you'll realize she just lacks social skills - something I think will change once she's full grown and able to attend high school - and a bit too spoiled, competitive and moody, a kid anyway. Other than that, I'd like to say that Nessie is Leah's niece ( I keep wondering why humor ficwriters haven't realized yet that if Charlie and sue actually get married someday after "Breaking Dawn" then Leah and Bella are sisters, that's so awesome, right? lol) and that this a longer chapter than usual, I guess but I'm never sure. So, here to some important review responses: _

**To MalloryMonroe:**_ THANKS. Your comment was the definition of constructive criticism! Thank you, thank you, and thank you. But as I said in previous chapters, I'm not used to writing short fics and I'm really bound to hurry things up a little! But I'm doing my best! Other than that, this time I reread the chapter, although I might say that English is not my first language and sometimes things can really escape from my eyes. But, really, thank you, thank you!_

**To Doloris: **_It wasn't exactly like imprinting all over again, really, Jake is just overreacting a little - you know how wolves tend to be a little hot headed (no jokes intended) - but yes, he always did see Nessie as a sister and even thought the changes in his heart had already began a long time ago he was too stupid and slow to notice it so now that's she's a little more obvious about the whole thing he's finally putting two and two together and having to face his true feelings. So he feels like everything is hitting him at once. _

_And to everyone else who reviewed I promise I'll answer each and every one of you, ok!? Including you, __**luverofjamesandlily**_ _who added me to all your good lists. I love you! aauahauh _

**My Beloved Monster **

"_I know a girl; she puts the color inside of my world. She's just like a maze where all of the walls continually change." (John Meyer – Daughters)_

**Chapter 3:**

**Just as much **

I watched through the window as Jake and Nessie made their way into the forest and sighed.

In a few ways, I might admit- even thought reluctantly - I'm grateful to Jacob Black. I owe him more than my whole life – or existence, whatever. More than once, he saved the two most important people in my universe. And if it wasn't for him saving my beloved ones more often than I usually did, maybe I'd have already killed myself. The corpse of a corpse, I think, instead of a family man – with a beautiful wife and a perfect daughter.

So yes, maybe I owe everything I have now to Lassie over there and believe me I'd easily be more grateful if it wasn't for one particular thing in Jacob Black's attitude that kills any possibility of good will in my heart (my symbolic heart, at least).

Despite of what some might think, it's not because he's a reeking shape-shifter, nor because he tends to snore so loud it makes you wanna kill yourself (even when you're already dead) and it has nothing to do with his habit of walking half-naked around my house getting the carpet dirty with his bare feet either.

No, I only wish things could be that easy.

The problem with Jacob Black is that he's constantly – and by constantly I mean in an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder sort of way – trying to take the women I love away from me.

There are over 6 billion people in the world divided in humans, vampires, shape -shifters, sons of the moon, half breeds and door to door salesmen. Yet he couldn't simply get over the fact that I had won the battle and Bella was now mine forever (both literally and metaphorically speaking).No, he had to imprint on the one person I wish he hadn't: my daughter.

If that wasn't enough I came to realize that my family is actually fine with it, even though I told Jake they weren't. Emmett actually likes Jacob a lot and I think this is mostly because they're very similar. You know what the say: "brilliant minds think alike", except that they're not brilliant and I if it wasn't for the fact that I can hear them thinking myself, I'd doubt they even have minds.

Jasper and Alice don't ever get in the way of anyone; she says she likes the idea of knowing the future even when she _can't _foresee anything and Jasper just smiles and says that I should get over it 'cause having a shape-shifter in the family would be really useful for both us and the La Push wolves. It was like a renovation of the treaty, the symbol of a new era. I just hate the militaries, I'm somehow glad I became a vampire before being a soldier.

Esme and Carlisle are the worst of them all. I actually heard my parents gossiping anxiously about the kind of babies would come from their union. _Babies! _My daughter won't have babies, she's a little kid! I glared at them and my father looked at me apologetically:

"I'm over 600 years old, son. Analyzing vampire blood became such a boring experiment." And Esme just smiled and said:

"I'm sorry you feel that way, my dear, but wouldn't a baby be nice to our family? Nessie grew up so fast…Wouldn't you and Bella like to have grandchildren?"

"_Grandchildren" _she says again, with a big smile, and I wonder if vampires can have strokes. I guess Rosalie is the only friend I have left in this house.

Bella, on the other hand, holds me every time she realizes I'm grimacing over this. She says it's unavoidable and that we should think only about Nessie and about how much they care about each other. She once told me:

"She loves him a lot, you know? I see his face on her head whenever she touches me. Besides, Jake is a great guy. You know that, don't you? He'll love her just as much as we do. He'll take care of her as you take care of me."

And I know. As I said before, Jacob is the one responsible for all this never ending happiness surrounding me right this moment and I shouldn't even think twice about accepting this union once I know that, if it wasn't for him, she wouldn't even be here with me now.

I winced and chuckled at the same time – a custom I'd acquired recently – as I watched the two of them running like crazy, bumping against each other like they were actually fighting. The only thing giving them away was the smile they had on their faces and the sound of laughter that could be easily heard by anyone around. Nessie's curls were covering most of her face now as she tripped and fell more often than attacked – her lack of grace in her moves was something I new she had inherited from her human mother. I couldn't help but smile. For a girl who looked so much like me, Nessie was just like Bella in so many ways. I remembered wondering about it so many times it hurt. Did Jacob like her because he and Bella were meant for each other and I had gotten in the way? Was Nessie his escape? If she was, Jacob Black was just a filthy dog who didn't deserve to even cohabit with my perfect daughter. And I tried to convince myself there was a compromise but I knew it didn't. Jacob was Nessie's from the moment he first laid eyes on her and Renesmee, ha: Renesmee was his even before she could see him. I grimaced at the image of Bella's unstoppable happiness every time Jacob would enter the room while she was pregnant.

"Meant for each other" was never something I believed myself, not even as a human. Not until the day I first saw the girl who used to sit next to me on Biology classes. And after that I tried to change most of my concepts – which is pretty hard when you are a little over 100 years old, I might add. – Bella played a big part in all this changes but I suppose Renesmee and even Jacob himself were considerably important too. Still, I'm a father and a father always worries. I can now completely understand Charlie's uneasiness towards me and I can wholly forgive all the devious thoughts that once crossed his mind.

In our garden, Nessie was now spinning around as Jacob held both her hands. Even from the distance, I could hear her little heart racing with joy. I sighed again and my cold breath made a blurry mark on the glass of our large windows. I drew a small circle with my fingers and concentrated only on the smile my daughter was showing. I envied the dog every time that expression appeared on her face. That smile was only his. Reserved only for the man Nessie knew was exactly like her.

It wasn't always like this, I thought with a smirk. Back when she was little, all this affection reminded me more of the love between a kid for their pet rather than a woman for her lover. I laughed bitterly: I was ok with _that_ kind of love. But I already knew things had changed.

It started so simply, so obviously; I could not deny it. Even though I knew I could count on Jake's stupidity to be the last one to realize his (and her) feelings, I was sure something was about to happen. It all began when I found Nessie standing in our kitchen, next to the microwave.

"Are you cooking?" I asked not surprised at all to see her there. Nessie was not very fond of human food unless it was cheese. Ever since Jacob brought in a packet of nachos claiming he needed to save the food before his brother-in-law condemned him to starvation, she had found out a craving for all things cheese flavored. She actually spent three months eating only things like cheeseburgers, grilled cheese and cheesecakes. I might also add that Jacob's expression when he came to visit us the next time and realized all his precious nachos were gone was priceless.

She nodded her head twice and I just went for her mind, knowing I wouldn't get a verbalized answer. All I got was Brazilian poetry – like in complicated Portuguese rhymes and everything.

My own daughter was trying to avoid me. She was now officially a teenager.

"I know this poem…" I said calmly. "Did Zafrina teach you while you were there?"

She nodded her head once again, blushing. She hadn't thought that I also knew Portuguese so well. She frowned, her real feelings showing up at once. I was a little shocked.

"You don't have to learn how to cook!" _Not because Jacob says he likes Emily's food. _I completed the sentence in my head. Renesmee gasped and blushed a little more. So like Bella in so many ways.

_I have to be good. _She thought and than corrected herself:

_I have to be perfect._

"You're already perfect, my love."

"_I'm making a sandwich on the microwave. I sincerely doubt I'm perfect considering my cooking skills."_

I laughed even though I knew she wasn't making any jokes. I sincerely couldn't see how Nessie would ever be insecure about Jacob once he was the proudest of as all when it came to her. And I'm quite proud of her myself, believe me.

_Maybe if I was stronger, you know, a tougher woman like Aunt Leah. – _Strangely enough Leah was actually a hero to my daughter. I guess it was something about the fact that Jacob saw her as an equal. Leah, on the other hand, wasn't really fond of Nessie. Not in front of everyone at least, although I did heard her thinking how sweet and pure she was and that she reminded her of a younger Seth. Even bitter Leah Clearwater could not resist this girl's charm and still, there she was, thinking she wasn't good enough for Jacob Black.

Repeating here just so you believe:

Not perfect enough for _Jacob Black._

There was a loud "_bip" _and Nessie turned to check on her sandwich. The smell of burnt cheese made its way to my nose. Renesmee winced.

_I'm like the biggest failure ever. There is a reason for half-breeds being such a painful thing to bring to this world. They are trying to give their parents time to rethink their options. –_She rolled her eyes when she thought that. I glared at her. She smiled apologetically and opened her mouth to speak:

"Daddy, I'm sorry. It's not like I don't appreciate life or anything." She shrugged and rubbed her eyes with her small pale hands. "I just wish I could be really good at something for a change, you know?"

"Like in mastering the violin in three months, learning to read by the age of two, speaking eight different languages and reading lips? Oh and what about projecting images on people's head when touching them and being able to prevail over any sort of mental shields?" She sighed nervously and stared at me impatiently.

"I'm talking about being good at something_ useful_, dad!" And she used that tone that teenagers usually use when they think they know it all. And she actually thought so, I can assure you.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen!" I said getting a little irritated now. "You're already an unique creature and if being around Jacob Black is bringing any doubts to your head I'd better just forbid any contact between you two until you quit this nonsense! I don't want you hurting over this!" Almost immediately, her face turned red and she looked around the room before staring at her own shoes. I know I shouldn't have mentioned Jake; this was a little unfair and awkward to her in many ways but I couldn't avoid it. All this insecurity over him was driving me insane. He was the one who didn't deserve her, not the opposite. She suddenly started saying the Chinese alphabet backwards in her head. I frowned at this, calming myself down.

"I'm sorry, dear." She didn't look at me.

"It's ok, dad. I guess I'm a just little too competitive, you see?" And it was only then that I realized this wasn't about Jacob. Not as I thought it was about him. This wasn't about love, not yet. She was naive, my little girl. Just a kid who didn't know what she was feeling. She thought she wanted to beat him at something, _anything_. That was her excuse for all the wariness and insecurity she had been feeling around him lately. "I'm just mad 'cause Jake seems to be better than me in every little thing! I'm so tired of losing!" She stamped her foot. I smiled and hugged her tightly feeling her sweet smell and comforting heartbeat.

So beautiful.

"My Darling, I can think of at least a thousand things in which you can defeat Jake." She looked up, trying to see my face.

_Like what? Swimsuit__ contests? _

"Yes, that's definitely one of them." I said laughing and she rolled her eyes again.

_I wouldn't be so sure, dad. He's very athletic. – _The image of a half-naked covered in water Jacob came to her mind.

"Oh, please, Nessie! Spare me from the images!" She laughed and didn't blush at all. She hadn't thought that with desire in her mind, she was just mocking me. I felt relief back then, but I already knew this was the first sign of what was about to come.

I took my eyes from the window and turned around sensing my favorite scent in the world.

"Hello, my love." I said to her with a smile.

"Have you seen her today, Edward?" Bella came to stand next to me near the windows facing the couple with an expression very similar to the one I had on just a few seconds ago.

"Yes, she looks dazzling."

"The apple doesn't fall too far from the three I guess!" She said with a beautiful smile, holding my face on her hands.

"I could not agree more." I said admiring her skin shinning as the sunlight touched her. She looked at me:

"What are we supposed to do about that, uh?" She nodded her head to one side, indicating the garden.

"As you said once, my love, we can only focus on how much they care for each other and hope for it to be at least a third as strong as what I feel for you." She laughed for a while but her face changed unexpectedly. She asked:

"Is it?"

"What, love?"

"Is it as big as ours?"

"You know there'll never be such a thing…" She bit her lower lip and I knew she meant it. I sighed:

"Do you remember when I told you how Jacob would have to face some strong competition in the future?" She looked confused "Competition over Nessie, remember?" – She nodded, her gaze still glued to my face. "I wasn't right." I made a little pause and continued:

"Competition means there are equivalent opponents and there's no one in the world able to take Renesmee away from Jacob. There was never competition. There's never going to be." I smiled but Bella face stood serious. "Yes, my Bella?"

"I already know about Nessie. It's not about her feelings I'm worried." I chuckled bitterly:

"You cannot possibly want me to say these words out loud, can you?" She just stared at me waiting. "Well, I guess you never get tired of surprising me, my love."

"So?" She demanded.

"Yes, my darling, yes. Jacob loves Renesmee just as much as I've always loved you."

"That's good." She said, and kissed my lips sweetly before turning her head to face the window again. "That's really good."


	4. Chapter 4: What's that word again?

**A/N:**_ I'm really proud of myself for getting to this point! Only one chapter and a small epilogue and I'm done. I can't believe it, it's so amazing! Thanks for everyone who's reviewing and please, please, please let me know of any ideas you might have. It's so great to come to this point! I never thought I'd actually get reviews or anything! haha! So this is the fourth chapter; Jake's POV again - the last one will be Nessie's so we can finally get her point. And, well, I hope this chapter isn't really confusing since Jake is sorta stupid and doesn't get half the things that are going on._

_And just so you know, Bella and Edward were doing that hyper fast and hyper low thing vampires do in the end of last chapter so that's why Jake didn't hear anything. :B! I just felt the need to explain!_

_Anyway, check out "Oedipus" my new fic! It's EmmettxRosalie this time :D! _

**My Beloved** **Monster**

"_Sitting there across the way, she doesn't got a lot to say, but there's something about you don't know why, but you're dying to try. You wanna kiss the girl." (The Little Mermaid- Kiss the Girl)._

**Chapter 4: **

**So, what's that word again? The one we use when everything is going fine and suddenly the world is upside down? Oh yeah, I remember now. It's "crap". **

Nessie was running after little blue birds scaring them off just for fun. I sat there watching her; lost for words. She had this look on her eyes that said: "You're doomed." And even though I knew it was only directed to the poor bird I couldn't help but notice the irony of the situation.

I was doomed too_. _Just like that little scared creature, my life rested on those small hands who grabbed both of us – each one in a way. She let go of the bird. She'd never let go of me, not even if she tried and my heart sunk at the thought that maybe getting away from me was all she needed. But that was typical of me, I guess, lucky was never my middle name, especially when it came to love. Bella had never found the place in her heart to pick me – even when she knew she loved me – and that was bound to happen with Nessie too. I can actually picture her thinking something like "Oh, I wish Jake was my brother!" right now.

I took a deep breath and let my body fall on the grass heavily.

Just a while earlier today, my life had been good. Only two hours, twenty seven minutes and thirty three seconds ago I could easily picture Renesmee as the little kid she was, the kid I had promised to protect from the moment I had first laid eyes on and now… Now things were so different. It usually took me so much longer to feel the changes taking over my heart, I took like three months to even consider I liked Bella so why this now? Why going so fast? Couldn't I wait until she was ready? Until she was mature? Quil could wait for Claire and, let's face it; he wasn't exactly famous for his patience. Embry and I actually had his school permanent record as a proof of that. I closed my eyes. _So freaking unfair._

And as if it wasn't enough that I had to deal with this whole lovey-dovey thing, my tendency for bad timing strikes again and I'm left here dealing with a teenage girl who suddenly decided she didn't wanted me inside her head anymore. Awesome.

I bumped the back of my head against the ground a hundred times.

"Oh. You seem to be having a good time! Is causing yourself a concussion that much fun?" Her voice said, very close to me and I felt her shallow breathing against my skin. My eyes popped open at once just to find a chocolate brown gaze on them. My heart raced, our heartbeats now synchronized. Her cheeks were deep red but the happiness caused by this sight didn't last long. She was running just a few seconds before; that explained everything. I frowned and she looked at me confused:

"Are you ok?"

_No, I'm not. You're supposed to be my soul mate, where's your undying love right now, uh? Weren't you supposed to at least__** like**__ me or something?_ I wanted to say but that's the thing about imprinting: they have options, you don't. Those who hold our hearts have the right to pick us or not, they can still hold on to their free-will. The same doesn't happen to us. We're mere servants.

"I'm great!" I answered with a big smile instead. She didn't smile back; she just rolled her eyes and sat next to me, staring at a point in the horizon. I took advantage of her distraction and got a glimpse of her with the corner of my eyes. I'd never dare say that even without imprinting I'd love Nessie the same way I do now because, well, it's not like I was ever bound to fall in love with a lee…well, her kind (sort of) – but in moments like these I'd always doubt that anything, even my hatred for vampires, could have ever stopped me from noticing the perfect being right next to me. So I looked at the yellow gloves again and a wave of pain came crashing me down.

"Why?" I whispered to myself. I was never someone to whine over a girl. That was the reason I never gave up Bella until the last second – I was raised to fight, no matter what conditions I had to face before achieving my goal – but this time…The pain was so unbearable I couldn't hear my thoughts. If Nessie went away, if she made her option and went away, what would ever be left of me? There would be no escape; there was no running away, if she didn't want my company that would be the end.

I bumped my head on the ground once again. I had to stop being so ridiculous! There was no reason for all this, I was ok, and everything was ok! I growled – why couldn't everything just go back to what it was!? I have to be whatever she wants me to be so if she needs me to be nothing then I'll be; that's my mission and that's what I'll do. I crossed my arms, determined.

"You're so weird, Jacob Black." Nessie stared at me again, raising an eyebrow. "What's up with you today?"

"What's up with me? I already told you I feel great."

"Yes, and I believed in it just as much as I believed when Aunt Alice told me she wasn't going to spend any money shopping on her trip to Milan."

"You'd have to be stupid to believe that."

"I know." She made a face and we both chuckled. Her face softened and she stroked my hair. I saw the big smile on her lips and it annoyed me a little. She noticed:

"You're still upset about the gloves, aren't you?" Her eyes wider in surprise. "I already told you I'm not mad at you."

"And that's just great, Nessie." I said fighting against a little lump in my throat. _But it doesn't really matter if that means you're just not happy to share your life with me, ok?_

"You're such a drama queen." She said noticing my undertone. "You can be so spoiled sometimes. Who cares if you can't read my mind right now?"

"I do." I said dryly, feeling my heart throbbing. It hurt so much to talk like this to her, like I was not allowed to do it, like I was going against God or something. "But it's your option not to talk to me. Guess I can't go against that, right?" I ignored her insults but I felt my body trembling. I had to control it otherwise this would get dangerous.

"I _am_ talking to you, Jacob! Or isn't a conversation worth it unless I'm touching you and showing every single freaking detail that goes through my mind? 'Cause if that's the case then I think you're being a bit unfair here, because I don't regard being allowed to know what's on your mind, am I?"

Her voice cut me deep in many places, whatever she was saying wasn't exactly hurtful – on the contraire, it was nice for her to explain her real feelings – but the sound of her voice, the edge on her words, the little gags between sentences…It was so obvious I had hurt her that I lifted my head and embraced my legs with my arms, like protecting myself. This was all Nessie needed to explode. She stood up and stamped her foot, her hands closed in tiny fists. She glared at me with an anger that didn't need to be expressed in words. I just kept staring at my own knees, avoiding her face, trying to ignore the pain in my stomach. I wish I didn't love her, I wish everything was back to normal – or at least, I wanted her to want my company again, I wanted her to show me how important I was.

Insecurity was never something I had counted with in any equation; I had never feared anything in life, not for real, not until I met her. I wanted my body to boil with happiness again; I wanted this to be the usual thing, our thing. I hated this feeling taking over me, I hated this abusive sensation that kept eating my guts, and I hated this urge.

This urge to pursue her.

I looked up for what felt like the first time today. The twilight sun touched Renesmee's hair making it red and orange, her face was shinning in a unique shade of pink. My heart stopped and my mouth opened in a necessary beam. She stared around her again, nervous and confused.

"Why can't I ever understand you?" She whispered sadly, shrugging. "No matter how I try, I can't ever figure you out."

I laughed, probably ruining yet another potential beautiful moment:

"You might be quite slow, Nessie. I'm really easy to get. I like cars, food and sports and I don't like pop music, reality shows and your family. Seriously, there isn't much more than that." – She rolled her eyes and for a second everything was back to normal, she laid down on the grass, right next to me:

"Are you ok with the gloves, Jake?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't like the idea of you growing up and keeping secrets from _Your Jacob._" I finished the sentence in a mocking tone but she looked at me with a straight face:

"I'd never keep anything from My Jacob." She underlined the two last words and raised her hand up to my face, the soft fabric of the gloves made me wince. "But I just wanna do this for myself. You'll have to trust me from now on, Jake. Trust me and I'll tell you anything you need to know."

"Great, tell me about this keeping secrets things. Why would you have to hide anything from me?"

"Jeez! Can't you just drop it? Honestly, why couldn't a normal wolf imprint on me, did it have to be the most stubborn Alpha ever to exist?" – She said making a face and bobbing her head on the grass, getting minuscule flowers on her curls on the process. I swallowed heavily. We never talked about imprinting this way; it wasn't like the easiest subject ever, not once she turned twelve years old and started to ask questions about Sam and Emily relationship being so different from ours. I stopped, speechless for a second wondering on how I should answer to this question. She didn't expect for any answers, she took my face between both her hands now and lifted the upper part of her body, staring me in the eyes:

"I'll tell you this one more time, ok?" She had a little defiant smile on her face and I noticed her hair smelled like tangerines. "I'd never ever ever ever hide anything from My Jacob. I just need some…control over it."

"But you already…"

"This is different." Her eyes cut their link with mine as she blushed but she still held her face close to mine and her hands pressed against my cheeks. "But I trust you to know me, right? _You _can figure _me _out."

Who was she and what had she done to my imprint? I mean, wasn't she supposed to be the little quiet, sweet and yet sociably disturbed girl I have grown to know and love? I moved my head away from hers. She looked embarrassed for a second but then she chuckled a little:

"Bad dog." She whispered in a mocking voice but kept smiling.

"Did you just call me _dog_?" She laughed hard.

"Oh my, I guess I did, didn't I? I might be spending way too much time with Aunt Rose or something." I had had enough. I stood up at once; I didn't like this new bizarre version of Nessie. Ok, I did love her and everything but it was too much for my canine head to bear.

"Look, Nessie, the sun is almost down, I'd better head home it's getting late." Once again she noticed something was off. I realized because her little curved eyebrows pulled themselves closer to each other. She didn't say anything, though. She just kept staring at me with a sad gawk. I turned around to leave and I noticed she was taking small steps behind me:

"What?" I turned around and she jumped, taken by surprise as if she had been doing something wrong. She immediately pulled her self together and bit her lower lip. I repeated:

"What, Nessie?" I tried to be softer this time. Truth be told; I was so confused my head was hurting like hell. I had no idea shape shifters could have headaches. She stared at her boots for what seemed like a minute, I noticed my headache seemed caused by some strange pulse under the beat of my heart, something like tidal waves.

Nessie finally looked at me:

"_Saudade." _She said in a weak smile. Great, not only was she playing games with my head now she also wanted to start throwing riddles at me. I didn't say anything and she looked disappointed. What was she expecting anyway? I held my head in my hands and said:

"Nessie, really, I…"

"_Saudade._ " She repeated more firmly this time. "It's a word Zafrina taught me. It's Portuguese."

"Hm, oh, great. _Saudade_ you too." I said honestly not getting her point with this whole thing, was she planning on keeping me here for Portuguese lessons? Nice try but it wouldn't work. Nessie howled with laughter and came closer to me. Five steps later, though, she apparently lost confidence over something and stopped abruptly, looking around her again. She took a deep breath and continued keeping her stare on the ground:

"It doesn't work like that, Jake. _"Saudade"_ is a Portuguese word with no translation for English, Zafrina taught me on my first day in Brazil. She said she missed me, but it was stronger than that, she said we don't have a good word for it in English."

""_Saudade"_ is the pain we feel in the absence of those we love, is the emptiness that can never be filled until you see the one that has caught your mind. There's no other cure for it besides presence itself. _"Saudade" _is bigger than sadness and stronger than just missing. We can't put it in words."

"Er…nice." Why was she telling me all this? I wondered as the thuds in my hearts sounded louder and louder. She smiled at my stupidity and pointed a finger to the sun:

"My father once said to me the twilight was the saddest hour of the day for a vampire. He said it to me when I was younger, remember? I told you. Well, I sorta _touched_ you but you see my point." She waved her hand impatiently. "What I mean is…" she was chewing on her lower lip again. "What I mean is that, back then, when I wasn't even twelve yet I told him: "Oh, dad, the twilight is the saddest of moments for me too!"…" She took another deep breath and whispered to herself _"Calm down, Renesmee, you can do this, you can do this." "_"The twilight is when My Jake has to go, that's when I have to say goodbye to my Jake.""

I had no words for this. The pulse was taking over me, pulling me closer, keeping me on the ground. Gravity again – my own personal gravity - it was Nessie all along. She smiled, even though she still looked anywhere but my direction:

"I had no words back then. But then again, I guess I was never one for words so…" She shrugged. "Now I know: All twilights are a new synonym for my own _"saudade"; the pain caused by the absence of you." _She whispered the last part more to herself than to me and I felt gravity taking me for good on its pull.

--

**A/N:** _Reviews make me happy and loved. See you all in the last chapter._


	5. Chapter 5: Dare

**A/N:**_I can't believe it! I made it! I finally finished a fic! *cries and sobs and cries again* That's so awesome! Thanks, thanks, thanks to everyone who reviewed, seriously, thanks to all of you who complimented and those who helped me with constructive criticism and everything. Oh lord, I'm so glad. Finally we have Nessie's POV. She's sort of a mix between smug Edward and serious and moody Bella, with a hint of Jacob's short temper. I guess. This chapter may be a little confusing since it's composed by small flashbacks. Please, now that this story ended, make sure you check out my new fics. Oedipus and Bada Bing Bada Boom, alongside with "All the Difference" the Alice/Jasper I'm already planning. And, oh, well, I also have a title for a sequel, so you people tell me if you want one. Love, love, love you all. _

**My Beloved Monster**

""_Right birds can fly so high or they can shit on your head, yeah they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared. But when you look at them and you see that they're beautiful, that's how I feel about you. Right, that's how I feel about you." _

_She said "thanks, I like you too." _

_He said "cool."" (Kate Nash – Birds)_

**Chapter 5:**

**Dare**

_This story starts five years, eleven months, three weeks, four days and five and a half hours ago. It started on the moment Jacob Black first stepped on our living room wooden floor to check on my mother, it started when I first heard his voice. _

_Sometimes I hold my head, I try to shake it between my hands and bring back some memories that seem to slip away as time goes by. Forgetting is an unavoidable consequence of living and I get the feeling that sometimes there are things that although hard to keep inside, should never leave us. So I do my best to hold on to them, to my most precious reminiscences so I don't ever lose them, never stray away from what's really worth. And I collect them__ like a little girl who collects stickers. And that's why my story starts even before I was Nessie, even before I existed in this world. Because my memory number one is a husky voice full of worry that whispers:_

"_Bella, what's wrong?"_

_And that was when my life began._

_--_

The first raindrop touched my cheek and I was vaguely aware of remembering Aunt Alice warning me it would rain and that she'd kill me if I ever dared to stand outside in my velvet boots and leather gloves but I couldn't move.

A thousand other raindrops fallowed the first.

Jacob looked so handsome that time; the first time I was able to actually see him. It was a little shocking at first, something I didn't expect. Jacob was always mine, everyone else in that room belonged to me; I acquired them, but not him. I never acquired him, he was made for me. He spent sixteen years in this earth waiting and back then I was only an odd, a minuscule possibility that would probably never exist. Still, even if I never showed up around here, he was mine. So I always saw him as my belonging, my property. And then the other thoughts hit me.

My head works in a particular way, my dad once told me, he said it was the weirdest thing whilst the sweetest. I never forget anything and all the memories dance around me as in a ballet. His words, not mine. They are like a private show he watches in amusement everyday and that there's no other thing but pureness and innocence in them. Still, he knew, one day –too soon - I'd grow up and that he'd never be ready for it.

As everything else in my life, I remember the day I grew up completely.

Jacob was now staring at me with a completely blank expression. I had to give him some time, I knew, the boy was a little slow; it's part of what I like about him.

--

"_So you're going to Brazil?" He told me with a sad look on his face. I had just told him I was planning to visit Zafrina. This was more than four months ago. The sun was at east and its light made Jake's skin look the most perfect shade of reddish-brown. His mouth twitched a little to the left and I remember to listen Grandma Esme whispering the lyrics to an old Italian song in the kitchen. "But you'll be far for three whole weeks."_

"_I know, I'm sorry." And I really was. I felt like a terrible owner, leaving my most precious possession so far behind me. I raised my hand to touch his cheek but he stopped me. He had a bitter smile and he closed my tiny hand between his ten fingers. I remember that my nails had been painted baby pink by Aunt Rosalie._

"_It's ok, just do me a favor." He said with his eyes closed and I nodded desperate to make him happy again. "This." He said grabbing the chain on my wrist and pulling it at once, ripping it. My eyes opened in shock and his opened too, although they seemed to smile at me. He still had one of his hands holding mine._

"_Please, I want you to use this on your finger from now on." He said sliding the promise ring he had gave on my first Christmas at Earth on my index finger. My heart pounded a thousand times faster inside me, he led my hand to his own chest and laughed a little. "Don't be shy, mine is pounding too."_

_I touched his face desperately trying to say the words that would not come to my mouth. He pulled me closer in an embrace:_

"_I know, Beauty. I'll miss you too."_

--

"N-Nessie…" Present time Jacob mumbled with his eyes still glued to mine. I started to feel uncomfortable as the seconds ticked by. What if I shouldn't have done that at all? Was I too harsh? Was I about to lose him? How could I have done that?

"Oh my! Renesmee has grown! Está muito grande mesmo!" Nahuel said smiling from ear to ear as he saw me. My Portuguese was already good enough that I could understand him saying that I was really big. "Uma mulher!" he exclaimed. A woman, he says, but I don't see myself as a woman, I stare at the ring in my hand and for a second I feel a little dizzy. No, I'm not a woman. I'm simply not ready.

"Oh, please, Nahuel, stop bothering the poor girl, don't you see you're making her confuse with all this Portuguese? Slow things down a bit, will you? So, Nessie, my dear, would you like me to brush your hair?" I smiled trying to hide my real concerns though I still had my eyes on the bronze wolf on my finger.

"I'm sorry, Jake. Maybe it was too much, maybe…" He raised a hand to cut me off.

"I want you to repeat what you just said, but do it slower this time."

"What?"

"I want to hear every word again to see if I'm getting the whole thing right."

--

"_Hum, is it a Quileute?" Senna said pointing to my hand one day while we were watching TV._

"_Y-yes…" I mumbled. I was still a little afraid of the Amazon Coven. Aside from Zafrina of whom I had soon learned I had nothing to be scared about, the others all frightened me even though I knew they were all sweet people._

"_Is it from that guy…what's his name again? Jacó?"_

"_Jacob." I corrected her Portuguese version of Jake's name._

"_Oh, yes, I see. Your Jacob." I blushed and smiled:_

"_Yes; My Jacob." Zafrina was at the kitchen making me cheese sandwiches since I did not share their human blood diet. She was always around to protect me if anything happened. It had been really hard for my parents to allow me coming here alone and she had promised her best. But it wasn't necessary everyone there seemed like my own family. Except for one person; there was no Jacob there._

"_You know what, missy?" Zafrina said sitting next to me and placing th__irteen sandwiches in front of us. "We keep calling him your Jacob, but weren't you the one who came later? You were the one who wasn't supposed to exist in the first place. Maybe you're his Renesmee, princess. Have you ever thought about it?"_

_So that was when realization hit me; that was the moment when I grew up. That was the moment I became a woman for real. Maybe Jacob was not mine at all._

_And then the other thoughts appeared. Insecurity got the best of me._

--

I'm competitive, that's something everyone knows about me; losing is a torment I can not afford, and, so, I never allow myself to be defeated. Not even by my own self. So I came up with a new game, a completely unknown competition of me against me. All I had to do was dare.

"_Are you weak? Why can't you do this? Are you a chicken?"_

"_I can do this. You're not better than me. "_

"_C'mon, Nessie. You can't lose a bet." _

"_Go on and do it. Tell him how you feel about him."_

"_Are you a loser?"_

"All I said, to sum up everything, is that I love you, you _moron_." I said harshly looking to the grass now. I was stepping on flowers and my curls were wet, ugly. I felt stupid. He looked so gorgeous on the rain and fog. He was black against white. And I was plain grey. But this was a game as any other one and I could not lose, never. Since I first decided this was what I wanted. Since I sorted my feelings out, I dared myself a thousand billion times. I dare to look him in the eye, I dare you to hold his hand, I dare you to move. And if that didn't work, I double dared me.

--

"_Beast!" I yelled as soon as I saw him, after I got back, I ran in his direction, throwing my arms around his neck. I had to jump a little, of course. There was an edge in my voice. He looked so happy to see me, my heart made a little dance in my chest. Why was I so insecure? Why was I suddenly not good enough? Where was that feeling of possession? We were abruptly equals and I was caught by surprise._

_Everything from that point ran like a blur. I had to start hiding my thoughts because I was so unsure of everything, so coy, so lost. I didn't want anyone around; I didn't want anyone to find out. I felt so wrong, so evil. But I couldn't handle the idea of being discovered._

_Is it ok to feel this way? I wondered so many times, why does it feel like a crime? I want Jacob to be mine, but he's already mine. So what's inside me? What's this?_

"_Passion." Uncle Jasper whispered in my ear one day. "That's passion I feel in you." Aunt Alice giggled. "I knew it! I knew it! It's so good to finally get something right about you!" I blushed._

_I had to hide it from Jacob too now. This was not a competition, then. I didn't want to know who belonged to whom in the first place. I just wanted…I just wanted us._

--

"I love you too, Nessie." He answered with a relieved smile that made me sure he hadn't got a third of what I was really talking about. I rolled my eyes at him.

"You're so stupid!" He winced:

"What?" He raised an eyebrow and came in my direction, pulling me by the arm. "C'mon, Ness, let's get out of this rain. You might get a cold." I stamped my foot, making the water splash on us. "Hey, what's this about?"

"You, you gigantic imbecile!" I guess it's like my mother always says: Leave it to Jacob Black to ruin the moment. "I finally get around telling you something that's been eating me alive and you…you…UGH!" I stamped my foot again and Jacob turned around, still holding my arm.

"The saudade thing? Nessie, I miss you too, all the time when I'm not next to you. Even when I'm here with you I keep complaining to myself that the time is not enough, that it runs too fast. You know that."

"I know! But it's not about _that_!" I took a deep breath and dared myself to keep a meaningful gaze against his eyes. "You gotta know what I mean."

There was silence for a moment. The raindrops were heavier, stronger against our skin, Jacob was so quiet and that was so unlike him and I was nervous, my whole body shaking. He whispered to himself:

"I am whatever you want me to be."

"Yes." I agreed, seeing that he was on the right track. He let go of my arm.

"What do you want me to be, Renesmee?" I shivered as the wind came cold between us. Funny thing is, I'm always warm, never cold. So why did I shiver?

"I want you to be exactly what you are." He frowned suddenly and I continued: "My world." He looked up in surprise.

"There's no sense in gravity when there's not a world to be ruled, don't you think?" He snorted:

"I guess so, my _queen_. Does your highness want me to take her on my back all the way back to the house?" I glared at him. Once again, another ruined moment, but this time I had enough.

"Jacob Black, you stupid, stupid mongrel! How dare you be so cynical?" He stared at me, playing dumb. "You want answers? Direct answers? Do you want to know what I'm talking about? Alright, I'll show you."

I took two steps back and got ready to jump. I'd show him the hard way. One, two…three…

"What are you doing?" He said holding my forearms before I could kiss him. "Are you kidding me? Oh my god! Were you trying to kiss me?" He said half laughing. What's up with your family and this urge to jump on me?"

"I think you made a misinterpretation, Aunt Rosalie doesn't want to jump on you; she's trying to rip your throat." I said grumpily while he put me on the floor again. "And so do I." He took a deep breath and looked at me.

"Why did you stop me?"

"Take your gloves off." I simply couldn't believe this. Damn, damn the Alpha gene, ten thousand times damn! How can someone be so stubborn?

"I'm not taking my gloves off." Two can play this game and, sorry, bro, but I never lose. He rolled his eyes at me.

"I don't want you to touch me. I just want to see something." I didn't move. "Please, Nessie, I'm begging." I could not disobey. He took my hand and smiled, whispering:

"The ring is still here."

"What? Of course it is!"

"I was afraid that you were wearing gloves and…"

"Did you think I didn't want to wear the ring anymore? You're such a sissy." I snorted. He laughed too.

"The thought crossed my mind, yes, but…" He looked at me. "I have a few questions for you, could you answer them?"

I made a face.

"Without touching me."

"Ok, then."

"Before you went to Brazil…Do you know why I made you wear this on your hand?"

"No." I admitted. "I just thought you were going nuts or something."

"And I was. First because I wouldn't see you for three whole weeks and second because…"

"Yes?" I asked with anticipation.

"Because you know what they say about Brazil…! What if you met some saucy sexy stranger and eloped?" He was blushing. Jacob Alpha Often Half Naked Black was actually blushing in front of me.

"Yes, that's dangerous." I agreed. "They really are sexy, Brazilian men, I mean. All those half naked bodies…You can never get enough…" He glared at me and I laughed. "Besides, technically, I'm Brazilian too, right? I was er, hum, "produced" there. I'm saucy too."

"You don't need to be Brazilian to be saucy. You're Bella's daughter." We both laughed. He eventually stopped and assumed a serious tone. "Now, my second question; and this one is even more important."

I nodded.

"Are you sure about this?" He looked sheepishly at the ring on my hand. "Because this is going to be hard."

"_This_ what?"

"Us." I blushed.

"I know."

"Can you imagine how your father will react?"

"Don't be silly, Jake." I was so happy that I'd say anything to make him decide already. "My daddy really likes you. Just the other day, remember? He was playing a song for you at the piano!" Jacob laughed and patted me on the head.

"Oh, Nessie, maybe you are too young after all! You were not born back then so you don't know that song, but he didn't compose that for me, that was "Who let the dogs out?" piano version."

"Oh, so that's why Uncle Emmett kept barking all the time during the chorus notes?"

"Yes. And that's why I got in a fight with your uncle that day."

"I see. But you know that's just a joke, you know he's no trouble you know he wants me…he wants _us_ to be happy." I corrected myself. He smiled.

"Yes, and I guess opinions can change, right? I mean, your mom thought you were a result of rancid chicken."

"And I thought you were nice." I said turning away but he held me.

"And now to my last question;"

"Alright."

"You know why I stopped you from kissing me?" I didn't answer, afraid to know the truth. I looked down, feeling quite cold even though I knew it was kind of impossible. He let go of me and stood straight. "I did it because I had enough bad first kisses in my life."

Should I consider this offensive? I wondered. He took my face between his hands slowly.

"In my opinion, true lovers' first kiss should be genuine and spontaneous, indeed, but they should also be a decision of both parts instead of one sided reaction to impulses. I had enough impulses for a lifetime, so… Renesmee, would you like to be spontaneous with me right now? I mean, we have a really small chance of finding an even more romantic cliché situation. There's sunset _and_ rain!" I giggled half because it was funny and half because I was nervous.

"Yes, Jacob, I'd pretty much like that."

And his lips touched mine. Calmly, slowly, gently. Soft and warm, a happy ending in fact. And as my body went numb, my fingertips touched his dark hair; I was creating a new memory. I tried to focus on the smell of wet grass or the colors the orange sunlight caused on things and beings, I tried to memorize his husky smell or the touch of his skin against mine, I wanted him to see everything I was seeing and know everything I ever felt – because I knew he was already inside my head- but my feet no longer touched the floor and I was surprised to conclude, when his tongue made his way through my lips, that, for the first time in my life, I wasn't able to think about anything. This was another game I won, but I was not satisfied.

I was simply complete.

---

**A/N: **_C'mon now,guys, look at the size of this review button! Don't ignore it! And, just so you know, the book refers to the quileute promise ring as a real bracelet but just to make it cuter I made it a bracelet with a ring that was too big for Renesmee to wear as a toddler, well, you see my point. __To the Epilogue, here we go! _


	6. Epilogue: My Happily Ever after thing

"_Touch your lips just so I know, into your eyes, love, it glows, so I'm bare-boned and crazy…for you." (Dave Matthews Band – Crash into me) _

**Epilogue: Watch me as I do my happily ever after thing **

She slept quietly in my bed; the whole house was in silent. A bit far, I could hear Blondie and Bear playing cards outside the treaty line. They were here to spy on us, to make sure I didn't touch Nessie. If only they knew she was the saucy one, I'm basically a victim of all her charms and sex attacks. Her father knows, that's exactly why he sent her here with spies. It was bad enough for him having to hear her thoughts but he couldn't allow her to come alone, so here we are. I'm resisting like a freaking iron man. I'm sleeping on the couch tonight, and let me tell you something. That couch is _small_. But I guess I could climb into bed and hope for her not to attack me.

Edward said she was a lot like Bella in a way; I didn't mind going further in that conversation. Thinking twice, I may not sleep in the same bed as hers, everyone knows that soon enough the two vampires outside won't be able to control themselves and the making out session will begin. They are so physical. How dare they judge me? I'm the pure one; _I'm _worried about Nessie's…what's the word Edward used? Virtue, yes, virtue.

I grabbed hold of one of her hands as she slept and kissed her palm. Slowly I brought it closer to my face.

Her dreams are the most beautiful thing in the world. Pure, sweet, beautiful images with vivid colors, is like watching Cirque du Soleil in the front row, but without clowns to make it bizarre. And I'm always there, all the time. Among beautiful places she visited, and places she wanted me to meet, among scenes she caught with her big brown eyes and her favorite smells…I'm always there.

"You are doing it again! Can't you just stop doing this, Jake? I'm trying to sleep." Maybe she's not very comfortable with this habit of mine but it's always worth it.

"Hey, Beauty, since you're awake. Want to know what I was thinking?" She didn't open her eyes to answer:

"I guess it would be a fair trade, since you can't stop seeing my thoughts." She said moodily; I chuckled.

"Do you know that _"saudade"_ word you taught me?"

"Yes, what about it?"

"I feel a really strong _saudade_ of my nachos. The one my pet monster ate."

"Suck it up, Black, my house, my nachos."

"They were mine!"

"Not once they were into my kitchen." She said almost singing. _Monster._ Outside, the noise of the cards silenced and I knew Rosalie and Emmett were distracted. I laid down on the bed, next to Renesmee and she immediately turned around to hug me.

"Hey, look who's here." She smiled maliciously, leaning a bit over me.

"Yes, look! It's a minor!" I answered sarcastically. She opened her eyes specifically to glare at me. I laughed.

"You're such a coward."

"You're such a rapist."

"Yes, I'm a rapist. Surrender." She said and I laughed out loud, keeping her unable to move under my arms.

"Let's sleep, Nessie." She gave up, yawning.

"Alright, Jake, you win this one." She says, but I think she's wrong. As long as I have her, I already won everything.

---

**A/N:**_ Alright guys, now it's your turn. __Sequel anyone? _

**NOTE: **_Ok, I just completely edited this fic so my English and Grammar are not too bad. There'll be a sequel to this fic; but it'll take a while before I come up with it. So, please put me into your alert 'cause as soon I write it, I'll let you know by here, ok? Thanks again for all you readers and – if you find the time – check out my other stories :D! _


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